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Speaking Ill of the Dead…Casting the First Stone

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Child molestor Michael Jackson died today in Los Angeles.  He was a famous child molestor, but that doesn’t begin to describe how good he was at child molesting - easily one of the greatest of all time.  I honestly can’t think of another child molestor who has had such an amazing impact on our lives.  No wonder they called him the King of Child Molestation.

I totally understand why so many people felt drawn to Westwood, where this child molestor died.  There’s definitely a void people are feeling.  Will we ever see another child molestor like him?  The man pretty much redefined, culturally, how we see child molesting.  His groundbreaking child molestation, over the course of decades - truly fantastic.

What people may forget, as they look back on all the children he molested, was that he was also known as a singer.   Although he was not as successful in making worthwhile music as he was at evading conviction for child molestation, several of his tunes are recognizable even today.  Music Television played many of his music videos during the 1980’s, putting him firmly in the artistic pantheon pioneered by The Human League, Kajagoogoo and Asia - but his combination of music and child molestation puts him in a rare category with such luminaries as R. Kelly, Gary Glitter and Jerry Lee Lewis.  He produced four solo records before devoting himself to child molestation full time.

Now he’s gone - he died young, with decades of child molestation uncompleted.  Who knows whether he could have completed his comback, and molested children for another decade or more.  I guess we’ll never know.

Filed in I have to stop listening to sports talk radio | | Comments (0)

Kobe Doin’ Work

Thursday, June 18, 2009

To paraphrase John McCain, I still hate Kobe Bryant.  I will hate him as long as I live.

Those of us in the American soccer community are currently gnashing our teeth about a young man from New Jersey named Giuseppe Rossi.  Rossi played against the United States, for Italy, the other day, and scored two goals against us.

The immediate reaction from the US fanbase was, “Screw you, traitor.”  The near-immediate counter-reaction from those who took the wider view was, “He made the right choice,” which I agree with, and “so you should be happy for him,” which I couldn’t agree with less.

Fans wouldn’t be fans if they were rational about the people playing the game.  Thus, the gap between deserved reaction and actual reaction.  Rossi is getting, from the American side, the sharp side of tongues and pens.

And then there’s how fans react to Kobe Bryant - probably the most famous rapist in the world.

I suppose we can argue the semantics of this charge.  And if the woman who accused him was willing to take a payout in lieu of justice, then perhaps we should all just turn the page.  But as to the underlying facts - well, he lied to cops, then issued a statement after the trial admitting non-consensual sex.  Kobe Bryant is a rapist.

This isn’t really about how I feel about it - it’s that so many of my fellow citizens are just fine with it.  They really did stick by Kobe, during and after the trial and settlement.  One day there will be a statue to him out in front of the Staples Center.  He is without question one of the most beloved scumbags in the history of the state. 

Playing well for a favorite team, in the eyes of that team’s fans, is enough to forgive literally any transgression. 

I like to assume that the reaction Kobe gets elsewhere is a little less than rapturous adoration, but from what I’ve read in mainstream sports media, it isn’t.  The guy is a hell of an athlete, that’s - literally - all that matters.  It’s all that matters to Nike, it’s all that matters to worshipful Lakers fans, it’s all that matters to sportswriters. 

Because man, when our team wins?  Best feeling in the world.  And when we lose?  I still feel gratitude to perfect strangers who made me happy that I cheered them on twenty years ago.  I still feel resentment towards perfect strangers who defeated my favorite teams.  That’s just the way fans are wired.  We’re the good guys, they’re the bad guys.

Wilt Chamberlain had 22,000 women, and every single one of them a satisfied customer.  How does Bryant sleep at night?

Filed in My own personal axes to grind | | Comments (1)

I took May off, sorry.

Monday, June 8, 2009

To make it up to you, holy crap.  Jim Cornette.  Turn it down if you’re listening at work.

Filed in My own personal axes to grind, Politics | | Comments (0)

Sophia reads ahead

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

She seems astonished about whatever she just learned.

I don't want to say she's precocious, but....

I don't want to say she's precocious, but....

Filed in Sophia Cat | | Comments (1)

Happy Friedman Unit, Sophia Cat!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sophia’s six months old today.  Big milestone for her, but she’s ambivalent.

“I don’t know, Dad,” she said.  “I think of where I was three months ago, and, well, I thought I’d be somewhere else today.  I thought I’d be crawling.  I was so innocent back then.  Ah…if I knew then what I know now.  But that’s the price of living, right?  I guess I’m just having a 1/150th-life crisis.”

I’m worried she’s going to start hitting the bottle.

Pics are tough to come by, because the girl has eczema, and we’re quite vain of her and only want to show perfect pictures.

Oh, and this is a personal message for people who talk to my wife while she’s out with Sophia:

Yes, we know.  No, we didn’t set her face on fire.  Yes, we’ve tried that.  Yes, we’ve tried that too.  She’ll be fine.  No, really, she’ll be fine.  Thank you.  Get lost.

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What was the best time to be alive?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

My beloved wife stumped me the other day.  I have no idea how to get rid of crabgrass.  In fact, I say, live and let live.  After all, the crabgrass was here first.

She also stumped me with an historical* question.  When was the best time to be alive in American history?

(Continued)

Filed in My own personal axes to grind, Politics | | Comments (2)

44

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

He bungled the oath, but nailed the speech.  The superstitious and bitter will probably read a lot of ill omens in Obama’s stumbling over the oath, but Neil Armstrong blew his first line, too.

[EDIT - never mind, it was Justice Roberts who blew it.  The Republican Party - screwing things up literally until the very end!]

It’s been a long eight years.  It’s really nice to be an American again.

Special thanks to KTLK-AM here in SoCal, which forgot to kill the automatic switch from the syndicated Stephanie Miller show to the local inauguration coverage…and gave us a Sit ‘n Sleep commercial during Biden’s oath.  I know, who could have foreseen any news coming down at 9:00 a.m. local time on January 20, 2009?

One of the things my dad mentioned during the campaign was the incredible emotion people of the Jim Crow era who never thought they would live to see a black person nominated, let alone win.  The crowd shots backfired when the occasional person noticed they were on TV and started waving, of course, but when they got the right person….that was powerful.

Filed in Barack Freaking Obama | | Comments (1)

Unconditional Surrender

Monday, December 1, 2008

It’s that time of year again - time for the War on Christmas.

Once again, everyone. The War on Christmas is over. Coca-Cola won.

War criminal

Say want you want about Confederate “heritage” jackoffs who re-enact Civil War battles, at least they grasp on some level that they lost. What the hell is Bill O’Reilly’s excuse?

Filed in Idiots | | Comments (0)

Back to Reality

Monday, December 1, 2008

Wow, I didn’t realize how little I’d have to say after Obama’s election.

I suppose I could have gone ballistic about people like Rahm Emmanuel, Robert Gates and Hillary Clinton being part of the new regime, with a loop of “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss!” playing in the background.  But that would be extraordinarily stupid for a number of reasons.

(Continued)

Filed in Politics | | Comments (0)

Sam I Am

Thursday, November 13, 2008
I’m sure I’m being terribly, terribly unfair. 
But tell me this isn’t the face of a man who would curbstomp me for being a race traitor.
Joe the Plumbers evil-ass smirk

Joe the Plumber's evil-ass smirk

Filed in Idiots, Jump To Conclusions Mat, Politics | | Comments (0)

Germanicus For President

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

In “I, Claudius,” the protagonist rolls his eyes at those who expected Caligula to be an improvement on Tiberius, on the grounds that any man of any quality would have been eliminated long before he would be in a position to become Emperor. Claudius uses his brother Germanicus as an example - yes, he would have been an exemplary Emperor, and maybe would have restored the Republic; no, he would never have gotten the chance.

Which brings us to Barack Obama. Can the United States elect a good man as President? Or is Obama hiding a dark side that would make Richard Nixon quiver and puke?

Nobody would picture themselves fit for the Presidency without a significant amount of incredible determination and equally incredible arrogance - there’s no other word for the type of person who says “Who has two thumbs and should be the most powerful man in the world? THIS guy!” That Obama sees himself as capable of fulfilling the promise of not only the Founding Fathers but Martin Luther King, and is willing to take on the task of washing clean this nation’s original sin - that takes some self-esteem.

If he’s up to it, Lincoln will have a buddy to his left on Rushmore.

But, in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. Michelle Obama isn’t the only one who has been proud of her country at infrequent intervals over the years, but last night made claims of America’s greatness finally seem like something besides idiotic bloviating meant to prove Mencken rather than Franklin. The United States of America elected a black man as President. Now, finally, we can get to work on achieving the American dream.

Of course…he might suck at the job. To my knowledge, no one ever asked what would have happened if Jackie Robinson had hit .150 and set the National League record for errors. If Obama turns out to be Jimmy Carter (who he, um, does recall in many ways, including a centrist religious stance and being the beneficiary of a detested predecessor)…that’s not going to help.

But the upside of the Presidency being the private reserve of driven egomaniacs means that any kind of wimpy, ineffectual wishy-washiness gets weeded out nice and early.

The other point is that, no, the US is not the Roman Empire, has not receded into worthless mockery of its former glory, and is not on a toboggan ride to the history’s ash-heap. The past is no longer prologue. Anything is possible.

Let’s hope so. Irony died on 9/11, but came back stronger than ever. Cynicism lost a huge battle on 11/4. Let’s see if Obama can complete the victory.

One thing Obama’s victory has done - the conspiracy theory era of the United States is over. Bush will not cancel elections. The Army will not declare martial law. The Republican Party, after eight years of hideous misrule and criminal conduct, will surrender power willingly. Perhaps it’s simply because the Bush/Cheney Administration stole everything that wasn’t nailed down, and is looking forward to a peaceful retirement in Dubai. But they will walk away from power, just like Washington and Jefferson, Eisenhower, Clinton, Teddy Roosevelt and Nixon. The democratic experiment, apart from that hiccup in the 1860’s, continues.

Filed in Politics | | Comments (2)

Sophia Cat - HOOLIGAN

Thursday, October 23, 2008

We’re raising this kid WRONG. (Continued)

Filed in Sophia Cat | | Comments (0)

WE HAVE THE CUTEST BABY EVER

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Yeah, at some point I should get to the comedy and entertainment portion of the blog.

But for now - HOLY CRAP she’s so adorable!

Yes, she’s actually my daughter. Why do you ask?

Filed in Sophia Cat | | Comments (1)

False equivalence

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sarah Palin, with an extra o

Calling Obama a terrorist is not precisely the same as calling Sarah Palin, in the words of “Arrested Development,” a “country-music lover,” or “seaward.”

First of all, nobody thinks C-words are un-American. C-words never killed anyone, except in very specific and unpleasant circumstances. Nobody thinks C-words should be killed, assassinated, imprisoned, tortured, or shorn of their civil rights. FCC rules notwithstanding, it’s much more polite to call someone a C-word than a terrorist. That’s not stopping Fox or hate radio, though.

Perhaps most important - Obama is not a terrorist. Governor Palin, on the other hand….

Look - Sarah Palin is pretty to look at, but very unpleasant to listen to. The things that come out of Sarah Palin are better off kept private. She can be very slippery. She inspires a great deal of irrational emotions. She seems to spend most of her time around dicks and assholes. She doesn’t have a lot to offer the gay community. Children should not be exposed to her. She’s extremely sensitive, and easily manipulated.

It’s not a perfect analogy - Sarah Palin can be seen on Youtube. But in general, I’m pretty sure the Zenger defense works here.

Filed in Politics | | Comments (0)

Thank you, John McCain

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Video of him trying to bring his supporters back to America.

It’s not like McCain deserves a cookie for not calling for Obama to be assassinated.  But John McCain climbed out of the abyss.  That’s very reassuring.  Maybe he can bring his supporters with him.  Some of them, maybe.

Filed in Politics | | Comments (2)

Domestic terrorist

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Of course Bill Ayres is an issue. I can understand why Republicans are so outraged about a man who said this:

When the bureaucrats come after me, I suggest they wear red coats. They make better targets. In the federal government are the biggest liars in the United States, and I hate them with a passion….There comes a time when people will choose to die with honor rather than live with dishonor. That time may be coming here. Our goal is ultimate independence by peaceful means under a minimal government fully responsive to the people. I hope we don’t have to take human life, but if they go on tramping on our property rights, look out, we’re ready to die.

Oh, wait.

Reading the Rolling Stone article on McCain right now.

“John has made a pact with the devil,” says Lincoln Chafee, the former GOP senator, who has been appalled at his one-time colleague’s readiness to sacrifice principle for power. Chafee and McCain were the only Republicans to vote against the Bush tax cuts. They locked arms in opposition to drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. And they worked together in the “Gang of 14,” which blocked some of Bush’s worst judges from the federal bench.

“On all three — sadly, sadly, sadly — McCain has flip-flopped,” Chafee says. And forget all the “Country First” sloganeering, he adds. “McCain is putting himself first. He’s putting himself first in blinking neon lights.”

Maybe in the coming month I should, just for laughs, come up with positive reasons to vote for Barack Obama rather than against the Republicans. But right now, Obama as Great American Undo Button should be enough, n’est-ce pas?

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Hang on.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I’m sure the answer is elsewhere on the Internet, but how’s McCain gonna buy up all these crappy mortgages AND freeze spending at the same time?

Filed in Bad Idea Jeans, I have to stop listening to sports talk radio, Idiots, Politics | | Comments (0)

Sarah Palin is a terrible, awful human being.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Well, enough political commentary for now. New Sophia pictures, yay! (Continued)

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90210

Friday, September 19, 2008

Setting a show at Beverly Hills High and having no Persian kids in the cast is like making a show called “Navajo Indian Reservation” with no Indians.

Thank you.  And may God continue to bless America.

Filed in My own personal axes to grind | | Comments (0)

Caribou Klaus Barbie

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Forgive the angry, partisan title. I thought it was funny.

I find a number of things about Governor Palin and her support disturbing for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it is as deep as the ocean and as fervent as the plague…and as of September 16, thirteen days old. Her supporters, which for want of a more specific (or abusive) term I’ll call the right wing, created this movement literally overnight, on the strength of a speech she didn’t write. Compared to Palin, Chance the gardener from “Being There” was Walter Mondale. Anybody - literally anybody - saying the same things as Palin would have been embraced just as fervently.

Well, anyone running against the Republicans would have been embraced fervently by the Democrats, you might say. Which brings us to the other scary aspect. I probably would still vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden if they were to tour the country saying a series of outright, laughable, easily disproven lies. But I like to think I would at least rationalize that choice, rather than simply pretend that the lies didn’t matter.

The double standards being used in McCain-Palin’s defense are astonishing. The same party that prepared a 527 against Hillary Clinton called “Citizens United Not Timid” (geddit?) is now lecturing us on sexism. The same party that nominated McCain claims Biden is too entrenched; the same party that lauds Palin believes Obama is inexperienced. As far as the idea that Palin is qualified in foreign policy simply because one can see Russia from Alaska, the best response was from Balloon Juice: “I can see the moon from my house, it doesn’t make me an astronaut.” Yet, in chronological order, this same justification has been put forth by Fox News’ Steve Doocy, Cindy McCain, John McCain, and Palin herself. I don’t know what’s more frightening - that they genuinely think Alaska’s geography is a qualification, or that they believe the American people believe it. It seems Palin’s fan club does.

Probably the GOP simply feels that anything, literally anything, would be better than an Obama presidency, and it is worth saying or doing anything, literally anything, to prevent it. Well, fair play to them, I feel the same way about John McCain and Sarah Palin.

But wasn’t there any way to defeat Barack Obama without bringing George Orwell and H.L. Mencken back to life in a shimmering cloud of “I told you so”? There was a time when the Republican Party had the decency to be embarrassed by Dan Quayle.

Filed in Politics | | Comments (0)
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